stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." goodnight, everybody. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- tiffany haddish. defensive tackle for the pittsburgh steelers,

cam heyward. an all-new "closer look." featuring the 8g band with jay weinberg. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. president biden sat down last night for his first one-on-one interview of the campaign season with a legacy media institution, and i got to say, i was pretty impressed with how he handled the habanero pucker butt sauce. [ laughter ] "ah, no -- no lies, this is hot." former president trump appeared to briefly fall asleep in court again this morning during adult film star stormy daniels' testimony, because in real life, you can't fast forward the scenes where the actors are talking. [ light laughter ] during her cross examination today, one of trump's lawyers asked stormy daniels, quote, "you made all this up, right?" a strategy that immediately backfired when trump yelled,

"no, she didn't, we had sex! [ laughter ] we did, we did. i shouldn't say that? okay, but we did." independent presidential candidate robert f. kennedy jr. posted on x yesterday and said, quote, "i offer to eat five more brain worms and still beat president trump and president biden in a debate." [ light laughter ] and this can't be good, his supporters have already made it a tiktok challenge. [ laughter ] that's right -- i don't think they're that big, guys. [ laughter ] no. i'm no brain worm doctor, i just don't think they're that big! that's right, presidential candidate robert f. kennedy jr. posted on x yesterday and said, quote, "i offer to eat five more brain worms and still beat president trump and president biden in a debate." so let me just go through my list of kennedy family quotes. "ask not what your country can do for you." "only those who dare to fail

greatly can ever achieve greatly." and "i offer to eat five more brain worms." [ laughter and applause ] got to say, never thought i would crave the calm, steady statemanship of donald trump. "never ate a brain worm." south dakota governor kristi noem reportedly canceled a book tour interview today with real clear politics due to inclement weather. let me guess, [ bleep ] storm? [ laughter ] is it raining cats and dogs? [ laughter ] oh, just cats? [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] according to a new survey, macha drinkers are more likely to describe themselves as adventurous than coffee drinkers. or should i say matcha drinkers are more likely to describe

themselves even though you didn't ask. [ laughter ] "the thing about me --" the streaming services disney plus, hulu, and max announced yesterday that they will be available as a bundle. the new service wil be called tv. it's just -- it's just tv again, guys, i don't know what to tell you. [ applause ] and we like tv. which is good news, we like tv. in honor of mother's day, the fast food chain panda express is offering a five-person family meal for $30. it's a great way to tell your mother, "the line was too long at subway." [ laughter ] and finally, today was singer billy joel's 75th birthday. and i -- yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i expect he'll be celebrating with a -- ♪ bottle of red ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ bottle of white ♪ [ laughter ] that was the monologue, everybody. we're off! [ cheers and applause ] and running! got a great show for you tonight. she is an emmy- and grammy-winning comedian, actress, and author. her latest book, "i curse you

with joy" is out now. our friend tiffany haddish is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] he is a six-time pro-bowler, the 2023 walter payton man of the year, and defensive tackle from my beloved pittsburgh steelers. he's also the host of the podcast "not just football with cam heyward." cam heyward is also joining us. [ cheers and applause ] but before we get to all that, an embarrassing week for republicans continued today as stormy daniels returned to the stand in donald trump's criminal trial and discussed more humiliating details about their affair. and republicans bickered over marjorie taylor greene's failed attempt to oust speaker mike johnson. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: the political world has been fixated on trump's criminal trial, which means marjorie taylor greene hasn't been getting enough attention. she's been behaving the way your cat does after you come home from the hospital with a new baby. "oh, is someone else the focus now? in that case, say goodbye to your leather couch." [ laughter ] so yesterday, greene brought a

motion to remove the speaker, mike johnson, which was met with boos from her own republican colleagues. >> for what purpose does the gentlewoman from georgia seek recognition? >> mr. speaker -- >> rule 9. i seek recognition to give notice of my intent to raise a question of the privileges of the house. the form of the resolution is as follows -- declaring the office of speaker of the house representatives to be vacant. [ boos ] this is the uni-party for the american people watching. >> seth: i love that she thinks the american people are watching c-span on a wednesday at 5:00 p.m. [ laughter ] if you've ever watched c-span, you know that not even the people in the c-span control room are watching c-span. [ laughter ] and they don't need to. what would a conversation in that control room even be? "take camera 1, ready camera 2." "we don't have a camera 2."

"stay on camera 1." [ laughter ] so now even republicans hate marjorie taylor greene. imagine getting elected to congress, which for most people would be the pinnacle of their careers, an honor you'd cherish for the rest of your life, representing your neighbors and your community the eyes of the world, and the thing you're most known for is dressing like a mobster's ex-wife. and getting mercilessly booed by the people who are supposed to like you. and she clearly [ bleep ] loves it. she always looks like she'd be standing in the middle of a wrestling ring, soaking up the hate. [ laughter ] you know, right before she pins the hometown hero. "y'all ready for the subsection figure 4 leg lock?" [ light laughter ] greene's motion was quickly shot down, and her own gop colleagues held a press conference where they tore into her. >> moscow marjorie has clearly gone off the deep end. maybe the result of a space laser. >> seth: that's a republican. [ laughter ] that's a republican saying that. i love that their party line is, "democrats are making this economy worse, our borders less safe, and our universities too woke. they do have some good takes on

marjorie." [ light laughter ] hey, republicans, maybe do some reflection about how you got here. democrats certainly have their own problems, but they don't have this problem. you never see them paralyzing congress, holding press conferences to [ bleep ] on each other, and booing one of their own. bernie criticizes democrats a fair amount, but even he doesn't boo. even though i'm sure he'd be great at it. "the top 1% of americans are getting 99% of my boos." [ laughter ] but republicans, you guys elevated marjorie taylor greene. so if you're mad at anyone, be mad at yourselves. the guy you all supported for president is her biggest fan. he's repeatedly praised her and shouted her out in rallies. >> oh, and one of my favorite people, oh, she's so smart. i hope she's around. i hope she's around. she is an incredible woman. she's a brilliant woman. doesn't get credit for it, but we all know about that stuff. marjorie taylor greene. >> seth: it's such a backhanded compliment to say someone is brilliant but doesn't get credit for it. "marjorie taylor greene, you know, contrary to popular opinion, she's actually very smart, she doesn't get credit. [ light laughter ]

most people think she's dumb as [ bleep ]. ask around. [ laughter ] i tell them they're wrong all the time. i meet people who say to me, 'her iq is the same as her shoe size.' [ light laughter ] not that they say things to me like, 'if her age were the same is her iq, she wouldn't be old enough to vote.' [ light laughter ] no, really, they say things to me like -- 'marjorie taylor greene is so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.' which is unfair because she's a smarty pants, i could go on. she's so dumb -- she went to a football game, and when they said quarterback, she thought she got a refund. [ laughter ] she's so dumb, and this one is true, i saw this happen. she bought a jigsaw puzzle and thought it would take 5 to 7 years to finish it." [ laughter and applause ] also, what's going on here? >> oh, and one of my favorite people, oh -- >> seth: why is he making that

noise? [ laughter ] he sounds like my aunt trying a chocolate mousse. "oh! [ laughter ] oh! you have to try this!" the point is, it is no accident this is happening to you, republicans. you created a political movement that elevated these people, and you're still supporting trump even as he sits in court day after day facing allegations that he defrauded voters by covering up a hush money payment to a porn star, a porn star he had an affair with just months after his wife gave birth. and i say that knowing full well that while that's a bad time to sleep with a porn star, there's also no good time in a marriage to sleep with a porn star. [ laughter ] like it's not like you'd be like, "oh, look at us, both kids off to college, a couple of empty nesters, what are we going to do next, tony?" "well, there is one thing i've always wanted to do. [ laughter ] just checking if the timing's good." but the party of so-called family values is still acting like trump paying off a porn star is no big deal, because everyone knows trump is gross. >> the testimony of stormy daniels that was salacious, that was the point of it.

listen. there is no person on planet earth that believes donald trump has been celibate all his life. that is not news. but they want to drag him through the gutter. because this is a political smear job. >> seth: first of all, a smear job is one of the things trump paid hush money to cover up. [ light laughter ] in fact, here's the sound he made when he got that smear job. >> oh! [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: can we hear the home audience's reaction to that joke? [ boos ] >> seth: it's not news that trump isn't celibate. but again, trump is getting the same backhanded compliment. "this trial is ridiculous, i mean really, does it surprise anyone that donald trump is a dirty dog? the man is a sex-crazed maniac. i once saw him hump a flag in broad daylight. old glory? more like old glory hole!" [ boos ] all right, all right, chill out.

every day the trial somehow gets more humiliating, both for trump and for the political movement it has elevated. today, for example, trump's defense lawyer grilled stormy on the stand. they tried to paint her as someone who's motivated entirely by money and essentially tried to extort trump. but in at least one case that line of questioning backfired badly. >> nicholas asked daniels if she eventually wanted to publicly announce she had sex with trump. >> daniels said, "no, nobody would ever say publicly, i wanted to publicly defend myself." so they're saying no one would ever want to publicly say that they had sex with trump. >> seth: trump's lawyers asked stormy daniels if she planned to publicly announce that she had sex with trump, and stormy responded under oath that nobody would ever want to admit they had sex with trump. oof. and trump just had to sit there! [ light laughter ] and the best part is how can he defend himself against that? what's he going to say? "that's not true, just ask all the other women i secretly paid hush money to." by the way this comes after stormy's testimony on tuesday in which she described the dorky silk pajamas she was wearing and the moment she spanked him on the ass with a magazine that had his face on it, and trump just

had to listen. this trial is like some sort of insane japanese game show where the contestant has to see how long he can sit there in silence while everyone he knows says awful [ bleep ] about him. the only way this trial could be more painful for trump is if they introduced a physical element where every time stormy testifies, he gets shocked by two electrodes attached to his balls. [ laughter ] which, at least, would keep him from falling asleep. [ laughter ] even when trump's attorneys are trying to discredit stormy as a witness by using her social media posts as evidence, they end up accidentally embarrassing trump. here is a real exchange from court today that anchors on msnbc had to read out loud. >> the defense is trying to use documents to their own favor. they've introduced a tweet from stormy daniels in the past. it's a tweet from her where she actually retweeted someone calling her a human toilet and then she responded with that retweet saying, "exactly, making me the best person to flush the orange turd down."

[ laughter ] and so this has now been put into evidence. and necheles asked, "that was referring to trump?" daniels, "it doesn't say that, so it's up to your interpretation." daniels, "i'm also not a toilet." she goes on to say, "if someone can make fun of me, i can make fun of them." necheles, "what did you mean when you said orange turd?" daniels, "oh, i absolutely meant trump." necheles, "then why didn't you say that a minute ago?" >> seth: because i thought it was [ bleep ] obvious? [ laughter ] when trump's lawyers started asking that, i'm surprised trump didn't jump in and say, "oh, me, she was talking about me, everyone knows." you could write 'orange turd' on a piece of mail, and that would be enough for it to get to me." not only did the words "orange turd" get officially entered into evidence but they actually had to have a back and forth in front of the jury to establish who the orange turd in question is. i mean, how did the rest of that exchange go? counsel, "what did you mean when you said 'orange turd'?" daniels, "it's up to your interpretation." counsel, "were you talking about trump?" daniels, "duh." [ laughter ] counsel, "why didn't you say it before?" daniels, "because it was a dumb

question." counsel, "how dumb was it?" daniels, "it was dumber than the time marjorie taylor greene brought a spoon to the super bowl." congress, "boo!" counsel, "no, it wasn't." daniels, "yes, it was." counsel, "no, it wasn't." daniels, "turd says what?" trump, "what?" daniels, "see?" trump, "snore!" prosecutor, "your honor, the defendant is sleeping." trump, "mmm! oh my god, my testicles!" daniels, "that's what he said when i spanked him." [ laughter ] this should be a moment of reckoning and self-reflection. anyone who calls themselves republican should be asking themselves, "how did we end up here?" the guy they support for president is sitting in a courtroom facing allegations that he defrauded voters by paying hush money to cover up an affair with a porn star. or to put it another way, this is all happening because an orange turd got a -- >> smear job. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we'll be right back with tiffany haddish, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks," be sure to subscribe to "late night" on

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: give it up for the 8g band, everybody. this week's drummer is a four-time grammy-nominated drummer who began his career at age 17 with bruce springsteen and the e street band. for the last decade he was behind the kit for the heavy metal band slipknot. now catch him on tour with skate punk legends suicidal tendencies. for more information, check him out on instagram. from the great state of new jersey, jay weinberg is here. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for a great week, jay, been a real pleasure. >> thank you. >> seth: our first guest tonight is an emmy- and grammy award-winning comedian, actress, and best-selling author you know from her work in "girls trip," "the unbearable weight of massive talent," and "the after party" on apple tv plus. her latest book, "i curse you with joy," is out now.

please welcome back to the show our very good friend tiffany haddish, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: i'm so happy to see you. >> i'm happy to see you. hi, jay. >> hi. >> hi. >> i like your hair. >> seth: okay. you know what? >> okay, i'm back, i'm back, i'm back. >> seth: okay good, because i could tell you were gone. >> i'm back. >> seth: i want to start right away, because this title seems very -- i don't know, considered. "i curse you with joy." what is behind the idea of cursing someone with joy? >> well, i feel like words are very powerful. >> seth: yeah. >> and how you use them does affect other people, right? and i feel like the first thing you're supposed to learn how to do is spell. so you're casting spells, your words cast feelings over others, that energy, right? and the internet is very, very treacherous, and it feels like a lot of people are using whatever words pop in they head and they saying mean, nasty stuff. they forgot the golden rule. when you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say nothing at all.

>> seth: uh-huh. >> so they hurting a lot of people, they hurting people. people are hurting people because they hurt or whatever, i don't know. so i curse them with joy. >> seth: ahh, i see. [ applause ] >> okay? >> seth: a positive response to negativity. >> yeah, yeah, i curse you with joy. >> seth: all right. >> yeah, 'cause they're putting out curses all the time. >> seth: all right. well, it's very nice of you to curse them with joy. it's your third book. >> mmh-hmm. >> seth: do you find the writing easy? >> i love telling stories. >> seth: yeah. >> and it's really easy if you lived it already. >> seth: uh-huh. >> if you've been through it, it's really -- go right into the memory bank, bam, that's what happened. i mean, when you read the book, it sounds like i'm talking to you. >> seth: it does sound like i'm talking to you. >> like, i'm talking to you as a white man, though. >> seth: yeah. >> if you're reading with your eyes. 'cause then, i sound like you but -- >> seth: well, it's my white ears, that's what -- yeah, yeah. because i -- the audiobook, i -- of course, you -- not only are you great at telling stories, but you have a voice that we love hearing. do you like the recording of the audiobook?

>> okay, so audiobook recordings are very -- okay. [ light laughter ] it's not easy to record a audiobook. >> seth: yeah. >> okay, first of all, i'm -- i'm -- i'm not the best reader. but i like to read. okay? and also am kind of -- what's the word, where you don't feel like it's perfect yet but then you want to make it -- i'm a perfectionist. >> seth: there you go. [ light laughter ] >> i'm a perfectionist. >> seth: yeah. >> so when i -- i'm like -- i read like three or four photographs, then i'll be like, "play that back." and they're like, "we don't have time for playback." "oh, yes, we do." >> seth: oh, wow. because, see, i feel like if i would get in the booth, i would -- again, i don't like the sound of my own voice, and so i'd be like "that's fine, that's fine." but i like that you go back and make sure it's good. >> no, i want playback because i want to hear, is the emotion there? does it feel right, does it sound right, am i -- i did say the words right, did i mutter? i'm in the middle of crying right now, does it even make -- can they understand me? can i understand me? when i hear my voice, i don't feel like it's me anyways. >> seth: yeah. i like hearing your voice, though. >> thank you. >> seth: and i think most people

do. >> thank you. >> seth: you are also very honest that you are dating multiple people right now, but they all know? >> yeah, they know. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> i'm not -- i'm not having sex with any of them. >> seth: okay, you're not having sex with any of them. >> uh-uh, i'm not having sex. >> seth: that probably makes it easier to fill them in. >> yeah i'm not having sex with nobody. >> seth: okay. >> i have sex with myself. >> seth: okay, that's great. [ audience oohs ] as well you should. [ cheers and applause ] as well you should. ♪ nobody does it like me ♪ [ laughter ] >> seth: what -- and so it's a -- you're just making out? >> yeah, it's a little kissing here and there. maybe, you know, a little hand time, you know. [ light laughter ] >> seth: it's nice -- you know, it's nice to find time for hands. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] we forgot about the power of the hand. >> seth: we did. to the kids out there, don't forget about the hands. >> the hands. [ laughter ] remember back in the 1900s, we used to hold hands? >> seth: oh, man. yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: by the way, hand -- the fact that hand stuff meant holding -- [ laughter ]

>> oh, that's not what i meant. >> seth: okay, good, good, good. >> i was more so talking about finger stuff, but you -- [ laughter ] [ audience groans ] >> seth: now, you are very honest as well that you like to -- before you start hanging out with a gentleman, you like to know his financials? >> yeah, yeah. see, i don't want to -- like -- okay, so i would like to be intimate, but i need to know like what's going on behind the scenes. because i feel like men respect they money, men love they money. >> seth: yeah. >> right? so they gonna take care of it if they love it, right? >> seth: sure. >> if they respect it, they love it, they gonna take care of it. so, i wanna know what your credit score is. 'cause how good your credit score is is probably how you're going to handle my heart. >> seth: oh, interesting. [ audience aws ] >> that's how responsible you're going to be with my heart. i need to know you got an ein number. >> seth: okay. >> and that you have employees. >> seth: yeah? >> and i need to know that you have long-term employees. how long have these people been working for you? do they like working with you? are you a good leader? 'cause i'm -- >> seth: can i say, a first date with you does not sound as sexy as i would have thought. >> yeah. [ laughter ] first of all --

>> seth: i feel like "show me your ein number," is not -- >> i'm not -- not on the first date, i'm going to ask that, by the third date -- >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> yeah, that's when i'm a be like so, "do you have an ein number?" [ laughter ] >> seth: you're like "i'm ready to take the next step, what is your ein number?" >> yeah, "what's your ein?" >> seth: is it true you liked -- there was a time you were looking to meet gentlemen at funerals? >> yes, this is true. >> seth: okay. what were you -- what were you finding there? >> so, so, me and my -- me and my family members, some of us, and my cousins, you know, just a few of us, we was -- we used to go to a lot of funerals back in the day because a lot of people were getting killed in our community. and so we would go to these funerals and we would, you know, be like, let's see if i can meet -- let's see if i can meet a guy, that is perfect place to meet a guy. >> seth: okay. >> okay, first of all, you know he care about family. >> seth: that's a good point. [ laughter ] >> because he's there. >> seth: yep. >> he's -- he's vulnerable -- >> seth: yeah. >> -- at this time so it's easy to get in there. >> seth: yeah, sure. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: that's good. >> yeah, and it's food, usually, at these events. [ laughter ] that's why we was really going. we was going for the food. it depend on -- who died?

oh, his grandma be throwing down, we gotta go there. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, interesting! so there were certain -- >> and you know he got all them fine ass friends. girl, we going -- we going to that funeral. >> seth: but then you've moved on from that? >> yeah, i don't do that no more. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> not no more. >> seth: you have a wealth of other options, right? >> yeah, there's so many other places to meet guys. >> seth: that's good. will you stick around? i have so many more things to ask you. >> yes, i would love to. >> seth: you guys, this is tiffany haddish. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome back to "late night." we're here with tiffany haddish. one of the things we read about in your book is the incredible journey, being somebody who auditioned for "snl," didn't get the gig, that's the first time we met. >> uh-huh. >> seth: then you got to come back and host, and that is a real triumph. >> yeah! >> seth: in there, though, comes with the burden of the pressure of that week. how did you handle the week of hosting that show? >> i mean, i -- it was a lot of pressure, and i'd lost ten pounds that week. >> seth: yeah. >> i feel like if i need to lose any more weight, i will ask to host again. [ light laughter ] it was a -- it was a lot of pressure. and i thought i would be able to like contribute like -- look at this, and i brought this, and i been writing, i wrote this years ago, you might want -- they're like, no, no, no, that's not how we get down over here. and i was like, "oh, okay." [ light laughter ] y'all don't want to read my ideas? [ laughter ] can i at least act it out for

you? "no, no, we got this right here." and i was like, "oh, oh, this is actually better than mine." [ laughter ] this actually is good. but i wanted to ask you, how did you handle the pressure working there? >> seth: i mean, it was -- like -- i feel so much healthier -- i feel younger now than i felt when i was there, even though i was younger then. i felt so harried all the time. i never really feel like i found a way to handle it. because even if you had a really good week, if -- all it took was one bad week to make you completely doubt you were in the right place. >> right. >> seth: yeah. >> because i was like -- i really wanted to work there as a cast member. >> seth: sure. >> that's what i really wanted. >> seth: yeah. >> and then, you know, lorne didn't hire me. maybe god told him, don't do it, 'cause this girl's going to break down here, she's going to tear some stuff up. [ laughter ] because that pressure was so -- i was like, i could -- but i'm so glad i didn't get hired on a regular basis. because i probably would have -- i would have -- i would have collapsed. i wouldn't have been able to handle it.

it was too much. >> seth: i mean, you do get a little -- when you -- hosting is more pressure than anything i did when i was there, because you're just -- everybody's looking at you the whole time. the hardest thing in the first two years of the show, it was the pressure of nobody looking at you. >> really? >> seth: yeah -- >> i don't mind that. >> seth: yeah. it's worse than you think. >> really? >> seth: yeah. >> i don't know. >> seth: when you're not in a -- when there's a whole show and they don't even put makeup on you because they're like, "oh." not only are you not going to be on air, you're not going to be in dress. [ light laughter ] i mean, that's where you're like, "oh, this is -- they made a terrible mistake." >> but you still get paid. [ laughter and applause ] i would be just fine -- >> seth: yeah. >> i would be just fine if i was a part of the cast and they never put me on, but i'm still getting paid every week? i'd be like, "y'all kill it!" i'd be cheering like, "you do that! you did your thing!" i would be cheering for everybody. like, i'm still getting my check. >> seth: well, they made a terrible mistake, because i didn't work with any of you. [ laughter ] nobody high-fiving me as i came off. >> really? >> seth: no. >> they should have hired me. if they would have hired me to

be a cheerleader, i would have been a cheerleader. >> seth: by the way, the only good thing about them not is how well it's turned out for you. but do you feel like you're better at dealing with pressure now? >> i'm way better at dealing with pressure now. >> seth: when do you feel like that turn happened for you? >> i feel like that -- i feel like that turn happened for me when i became unmarried. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] that's a -- that's a -- it's sort of left with the ring. >> like -- and then -- no, no, no. no, no, no. because i'm dealing with some more pressure stuff. okay, i would say like two years ago. >> seth: that's good, so -- >> i'm lying, i'm lying. >> seth: like an hour and a half? >> 30 minutes ago, 30 minutes ago. >> seth: is it true that you will sort of practice stand-up when you're in therapy? >> yeah, okay, so what had happened was -- i was court ordered to go to therapy. [ laughter ] and i would be sitting with the therapist. and at first, i didn't talk at all because i didn't want to -- my job was a teenager then, i was in foster care, so it was a little bit -- you know, i wasn't like -- i might have been doing some bad stuff but not crime crimes, just running away.

and so -- talking too much in school. okay, so anyways. [ laughter ] when -- when i was in therapy, i would not talk at all at first. and then i started to open up and started talking. and i decided i would just run jokes. i would just run jokes. i would just tell funny stories that i want to tell on stage. and so i would do that and the therapist was always laughing and it would make me so mad because i'm like, "okay, stop laughing." because then i started telling what was really bothering me, and they would laugh at that. [ laughter ] it was not funny! i need to know why my vagina makes these noises! [ laughter ] >> seth: i do -- you know what, i do have a little bit of sympathy for your therapist. he's like, "i didn't know we switched into serious!" >> i was -- anyways. it's -- it's funny, because years later -- i ended up firing that therapist. >> seth: yeah. >> ended up, like, firing them

really, i didn't fire them, my medical insurance had cut off. that's what got them fired. because i wasn't going to pay. and then i got a therapist, and i was paying, and then it was like too much, and i had to let them go. because it kept happening. it kept happening. and then, finally, i got another therapist, and that one, you know -- that one didn't laugh that much, but they made me laugh. >> seth: oh, funny. >> yeah, they made me laugh. and so, i was like, "you should do stand-up." [ light laughter ] >> seth: to your therapist? >> to my therapist. "you should be a comedian." >> seth: and were they open to the idea? >> and they was like, "no, no, tiffany, no." then i started asking them to come with me on dates. come with me to different things. >> seth: like performing dates? >> no, no, like going out to dinner dates. >> seth: okay. >> like i'm going on a date. >> seth: and you would just -- >> and i would ask the therapist, "could you meet me here? could you blah, blah, blah --

like i just want you to meet this person and see if they somebody i should be dating." >> seth: okay. would you heads-up the person that you were on the date with? >> hell no. 'cause they getting' a mention evaluation, i don't want them to cheat. [ laughter ] >> seth: and when -- when your therapist showed up, would they like sort of play a character? would they be a waiter who would come over? >> no, i'd be like, "oh, look, this is my therapist, sit down." [ laughter ] "this is such and such, such and such, this is my therapist." and then they would talk and stuff. and then i would be like, "you want something to drink? you hungry?" >> seth: and then how -- do you feel like your therapist was honest when they thought that the person was not a match? >> uh-huh. >> seth: okay. and would they tell you then? or would they wait till the next session? >> they would tell me the next day. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> uh-huh. >> seth: and then would you let the person know that the therapist -- so would it take it off you? you're like, "i had a great time, my therapist says it's a no." [ laughter ] >> no, no, i had to learn. because see, the therapist was telling me, "don't date that person." and then i'd be like, "oh, okay." and then i would date them anyway. >> seth: sure. >> then i was like, "oh, dang, the therapist was right." [ laughter ]

so jay, if you want to meet my therapist -- [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: it is always such a delight to see you. give it up one more time for tiffany haddish. [ cheers and applause ] "i curse you with joy" is available now. we'll be right back with cam heyward. [ cheers and applause ] cam heyward. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and doug. cam heyward. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (bell ringing) limu, someone needs to customize and save hundreds on car insurance with liberty mutual. let's fly! (inaudible sounds) chief! doug. (inaudible sounds) ooooo ah. (elevator doors opening) (inaudible sounds) i thought you were right behind me. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, ♪ ♪ liberty. ♪ talenti mango sorbetto is made with a hundred percent real fruit. -with alphonso mangoes. -yeah, i know. -oh? -right? -mmm-hmm.

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♪ (ominous music) ♪ come on. what can i do to help you? dad: come on buddy. headphones. what!

dad: hey! dad: ok all right. what do you wanna do? i said i don't wanna talk about it! dad: trey! what are you doin'? ♪ (ominous music) ♪ ♪ (ominous music) ♪ it's ok. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> seth: our next guest is a six-time nfl pro bowler, the 2023 walter payton man of the year, and a defensive tackle for the nfl's best franchise, the pittsburgh steelers. that's an objective statement. he's also the host of "not just football with cam heyward," which is available wherever you get your podcasts. please welcome to the show cam heyward! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome to the show, cam! >> wow. >> seth: i was a guest on your podcast, and when we did that, we were just zoom boxes and i thought we were the same size. >> yeah. [ laughter ] i think i called you my friend. you're like, "no we just met." [ laughter ] >> seth: no, no, no. trust me, i would never say no to you calling me your friend. you had a very cool thing happen. you were named walter payton man of the year, which is really one of the -- give it up. [ cheers and applause ]

>> thank you, thank you. >> seth: i mean, certainly the highest, you know, off the field honor in the nfl. >> yeah. >> seth: and your whole family was at the nfl honors? >> yes. >> seth: and nobody knew. i was talking backstage, none of you knew. they had you there, nobody tipped it. >> no, no, it was very embarrassing. you know, when i think about that moment, i told my mom, i told my wife. i was like, "it's not happening." >> seth: and there's -- how many of you are in the running at that point? >> oh, there's -- there's about -- there's 32 guys. >> seth: right. each team -- >> each team gets a guy. and then, you know, we get up there. and everybody's got a great story. and so you're looking around, you're like, "that guy deserves it. that guy deserves it." never once did i think i deserved it. so it was just an unbelievable moment. i watch it. and i'm watching prince harry go up there. i'm like, "oh, man, this is a big moment." >> seth: yeah. >> prince harry is about to announce the winner. then i see the video package and i'm like, "oh, man. i got to talk." [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> so i was not ready for that moment. and they didn't tell me i was going to win, so i didn't have a speech ready. so i was just going off the

dome, and, you know, ended up turning out pretty good. >> seth: yeah, it turned out great. there were multiple times i believe where you were like, "prince harry!" >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] and i think if you would ever picture winning that award, i don't think you would have pictured prince harry being the one who gave it to you. >> no. and then like after, you take these pictures and they're like portrait pictures. and so like, it's like me and prince harry like we're at prom or something. [ laughter ] so it was very, very, like euphoric where i was just like, i never thought i was going to be in this situation at all. >> seth: yeah. you -- i was just watching. somebody posted video today of when you were drafted. you were not at the draft? >> no, no. >> seth: so you got a call at home. you were a first-round draft pick. >> yes. >> seth: the sort of end of the first round. >> yeah. >> seth: did you have any expectation you were going to be a first-rounder? >> i thought i was. but going into that moment, i had torn my elbow, my ucl, so i had tommy john surgery. like a -- like a pitcher. >> seth: yeah. >> but i never thought i was going to be a -- i wasn't going to go because i didn't want to be embarrassed. >> seth: sure. >> when you see the guys,

they're in the green room, it's embarrassing. you know, you're worried about that moment. and i was like, "i'll just spend it with my family." and so we have this moment. and we're getting towards the end of the first round. i'm having my buddies text me, like, "hey, if this doesn't work out, we can go to the movies." [ laughter ] and so i'm like, "no, it's going to work out, we're going to have some fun." but seeing that 412 come across the screen, i knew i was going to be a pittsburgh steeler. >> seth: and your father -- >> yes. >> seth: was nfl great craig "ironhead" heyward. >> yes. >> seth: and he grew up in pittsburgh, went to pitt. your mom grew up in pittsburgh. >> yeah. >> seth: so this was your -- you -- and then he, you know, his career took him away from pittsburgh, but this was the team you rooted for as a kid? >> yeah, so my dad's from new jersey but he went to school in pitt. and so every offseason, we were always coming back to pitt. my grandparents are from pitt. they're close to your family. >> seth: yes. >> so we -- we always had -- we always relished those opportunities to come back to pitt. and so i would take my wife -- my girlfriend at the time, i would take her every time for thanksgiving to pittsburgh. so to know we finally have a home that we've already been to,

it was just a match made in heaven. >> seth: you also had the honor of announcing the steelers' first-round pick this year. >> whoo! >> seth: and i'm very excited about the pick, but i don't want to get the name wrong, can you do it for me? >> yeah, troy fautanu. >> seth: fautanu. >> yes. >> seth: okay. >> can you do that? >> seth: fautanu? >> have you messed up any before? >> seth: names here? >> yes. >> seth: all the time. [ laughter ] i mean all the time, but, like, not -- you know, i will say, not in a moment that he will, that troy will remember forever, right? like, that's one he's going to watch forever. >> yes. >> seth: and i thought you landed it very nicely. because i, again, on the spelling, i thought, oh, there's a couple ways you could go. were you nervous about, um, eatin' it? >> i was very nervous. you know, you watch roger goodell go up and he's like, uh, so-and-so. uh, so-and-so. and he's so confident about it. and so, i'm like, "oh, this is going to be easy." then i start thinking, "what if they give me a nigerian name that i can't pronounce?" [ light laughter ] and like they've got the spelling out, and i'm like,

"whew. troy fautanu." you know, i've had troy polamalu. >> seth: yeah. >> there's ben roethlisberger. you know. luckily, i got an easy one there that time. >> seth: yeah. it was very -- it was very nicely done. and i was very impressed. >> what was yours? what was your hardest one you had to announce? >> seth: i don't remember my hardest one, but i remember once my friend jason sudeikis was at the oscars, and he did best foreign film. and i think he had to do like three icelandic names. and when it was over, i texted him, and i was like, "bravo." [ laughter ] bravo, my friend. you have another very cool thing which is, your younger brother, connor heyward, is also on the steelers. >> yes. >> seth: and, so you get to work with him, you know, every day during the -- i mean he's an offense player. >> yeah. >> seth: and there's a pretty big age gap. what is it about -- >> ten years. >> seth: ten years. >> ten years. >> seth: i was lucky enough. my family and your family got dinner. and he also seems -- i hope this is okay to say -- like a troublemaker. [ light laughter ] >> i think you put it lightly. [ light laughter ] you know. connor is definitely the knucklehead of the group. [ light laughter ] him and my mom used to battle all throughout high school, and they would both call me, and i

would have to play mediator. so, you know. to have him now in the locker room, i see what she had to deal with. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] i also imagine, not only did you have to see what she had to deal with, but all your teammates do. do your teammates come over to you ever, and are like, "dude, you gotta do something about connor"? >> luckily, no. [ laughter ] you know, i think there was a guy last year, and it was towards the end of the season. oh, it was patrick peterson. >> seth: oh, yeah. >> he was like, "i just realized you and connor are brothers." and i was like, "dude, it's christmas. [ laughter ] how did you not know that?" but, you know, it was funny. like his rookie year, you know, having that moment where we finally got to line up against each other. because i could not stop laughing, 'cause i was like, "this guy's not going to block me." there's no chance. and he couldn't. [ light laughter ] and so we left it at that. and you know, big brother beats up on little brother. >> seth: yeah. you are -- and it should be noted, you are also physically a great deal bigger than him.

i mean, he's big. he's a great deal bigger than me, but you have -- >> he's a pipsqueak. >> seth: he's a pipsqueak. >> hi, connor. [ laughter ] >> seth: your kids are very close to the same age as mine. 8, 6, and 4. i've got 8, 6, and 2. do they come out to games? are they connected to the team? >> yes, they're very connected. my oldest, he just kind of realized a couple of years ago that i play on tv. >> seth: yeah. >> so, you know, he was pretty surprised that not everybody else plays on tv. [ light laughter ] >> seth: right. >> not everybody else has a jersey in school. so, you know, it's been a whirlwind. but i coach baseball. >> seth: uh-huh? >> i help out with baseball. i don't know anything about baseball. >> seth: yeah. >> but, you know -- >> seth: you're just like a good guy to have if like somebody wants to lean on the umpire a little bit. >> yes, yes. i get the lineups right. you know, i provide water. and i say, "go team!" >> seth: before we go, i don't want to sort of gloss over the reason you won the man of the year award. can you talk about like some of the work you do within the community? >> yeah, so my foundation, the heyward house, we created it in 2015.

my mom helps run it with me as well, which she's awesome as well. but we do a lot of great work. we have this week called cam's kindness week where we find different ways to give back. whether it's craig's closet, which is in honor of my dad. he never had a suit throughout -- he only had one suit throughout high school and college. so we get to provide a suit for young men for job interviews, college interviews, proms. and then also, we just find creative ways to give back. whether it's little libraries or going to children's hospital, you know. my dad always did that growing up. so having those moments where i get to, you know, give back, it's always special to me. >> seth: well, it was a well-deserved award. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait for the season to start. it's always such a pleasure to see you, cam. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: cam heyward, everybody. "not just football with cam heyward" is available wherever you get your podcasts. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i want to thank my guests, tiffany haddish, cam heyward, everybody! i want to thank jay weinberg and the 8g band. head over to youtube to check out an all-new "corrections." thanks for watching. we love you, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪